ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
