the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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