Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
