First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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