I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
