Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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