Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
