My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
