Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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