My cat gives me a boner
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
