The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
