Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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