He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
