Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
