How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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