it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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