i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
