he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
