actually, I'm a sock model
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
