We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
