did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We need to rekindle our bromance
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
