Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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