I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
