I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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