So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
