I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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