Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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