Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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