3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
