your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
