No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
