and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
