3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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