Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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