Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
