I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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