I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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