insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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