i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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