thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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