just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
