We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
