I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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