Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
