I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
