you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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