Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
