I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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