i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
