Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
