somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
