i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
