Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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