I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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