is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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