Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
