She's JV to your varsity
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
