Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
