The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
