Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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