I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
babies were throwing up all over the place
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
