I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
