She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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