my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
