my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize