K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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