DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
