if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize