you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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