They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
