no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
