dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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