Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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