I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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